Renowned RIE expert Hari Grebler, a long-time associate of Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) and a disciple of Magda Gerber, recently shared her insightful and profoundly simple approach to infant and toddler sleep with Janet Lansbury on her podcast, "Unruffled." Grebler, who also holds credentials as a Pikler pedagogue and Waldorf early childhood teacher, emphasized a foundational philosophy of respect for the infant as a whole person, a perspective that has guided her for over 35 years. The discussion, recorded on July 6, 2025, delved into practical strategies for fostering healthy sleep habits from birth, challenging conventional, often anxiety-inducing, advice surrounding infant sleep.
Understanding the RIE Philosophy of Sleep
Grebler’s core message centers on observing and responding to a baby’s natural cues, rather than imposing external schedules or methods. This contrasts sharply with many popular "sleep training" methodologies, which often involve periods of controlled crying or strict adherence to rigid routines. Grebler advocates for a more attuned approach, emphasizing the importance of parental awareness and a positive framing of sleep.
"My very favorite and best tip ever in the world is from the very, very beginning when you see your baby tired, even the littlest baby, to say, ‘Oh you seem so tired. I just saw you rub your eyes. Come, let’s go get ready for bed,’" Grebler shared during the podcast. This simple act, she explained, brings awareness to the child and connects their physical cues to a nurturing response, laying a foundation of trust and understanding. This contrasts with the often-heard parental anxieties, such as "You’ll never sleep again," which can create undue stress before a child is even born.
The Impact of External Pressures on Infant Sleep
Lansbury and Grebler discussed how societal expectations and the proliferation of advice from various sources can overwhelm new parents, creating a sense of inadequacy and confusion. The pressure to achieve specific sleep milestones, often amplified by social media and parenting literature, can detract from a parent’s ability to connect with and understand their own child’s unique needs.
"Before you even have your baby, sleep sounds scary," Grebler noted. "I mean, people scare you, I think. ‘You’ll never sleep again. You need to have this, this, and this. You need blackout curtains. You need a sound machine. You need the Snoo.’ And so with all that, you’re inundated, it gets so hard to come just to, ‘What would I do and what would my baby like?’ It just removes us away from knowing our child before we even have a child." This deluge of information, they argued, often overshadows the innate ability of both parent and child to navigate sleep.
Observing and Responding to Sleep Cues
A critical component of Grebler’s approach is the meticulous observation of a baby’s subtle cues. While eye-rubbing and yawning are widely recognized signs of tiredness, Grebler pointed out that earlier, less obvious signals exist. These can include a baby’s gaze becoming dazed, their movements slowing down, or conversely, a period of increased fussiness or frantic activity that signals overstimulation and the need for rest.
"It would be great if you can, but I always say eye rubbing because that’s sort of universal, that people can start there," Grebler explained. "Because the other things that you’re talking about are a little more subtle. But for sure maybe an hour after the baby wakes up, they’ve been playing and then it’s not going so well for them anymore, right? Or like you say, they’re just gazing out, so it’s important to look, to observe." This observational practice, she emphasized, can be integrated into the daily rhythm, allowing parents to anticipate sleep needs rather than react to overt signs of exhaustion.
The Concept of Rhythm vs. Routine
Grebler distinguished between a rigid "routine" dictated by the clock and a flexible "rhythm" that follows the child’s natural patterns. This distinction is crucial for understanding how to support a baby’s sleep without imposing an external structure that may not align with their developmental stage.
"I was going to say too, I’m talking about a rhythm, not a routine that goes by the clock," Grebler clarified. She recounted her own experience with her son at around five months old. After initially feeling overwhelmed by his sleep patterns, she decided to observe him closely. By tracking his cues, she noticed a consistent pattern emerging around 9:00 AM. This allowed her to proactively prepare him for sleep by the time he showed clear signs of tiredness. "From that day forward, I just watched really carefully. We had a rhythm of getting up in the morning, being fed, very much connecting together, diapering, changing, and then he would go to play. And this started from a very early age. So it was around five months where I knew I had an hour. After being very close and very intimate with him, he would go to play, and I had about an hour to get a coffee or eat some breakfast or something." This patient observation and charting, she noted, ultimately led to a predictable and manageable sleep rhythm for both her and her son.
Addressing Parental Anxiety and the Nature of Crying
A significant aspect of the conversation revolved around parental anxiety surrounding sleep and the interpretation of a baby’s cries. Grebler stressed that anxiety from the adult can be transmitted to the child, making the process of falling asleep more challenging. She also differentiated between a baby’s cry as a release and a cry that indicates distress requiring immediate intervention.
"I feel like we go in with ‘they have to be asleep,’ instead of just in bed," Grebler stated. "And one tip that I got is all you can do is put them to bed and you don’t make them sleep. And you just continue when they’re tired to put them to bed." When a baby cries, she suggested, the parent can be present, offering comfort and support without necessarily picking them up or immediately trying to "fix" the situation. "A five-minute cry sometimes, it’s just a big release. And they don’t have to be alone in a room to do it. If you want them in your arms, they can be in your arms." This approach, she argued, respects the child’s emotional process while maintaining a secure connection with the caregiver.
The Broader Implications of Respectful Sleep Practices
The principles discussed extend beyond infant sleep and touch upon the broader implications of respectful parenting. By observing, trusting, and responding to a child’s needs, parents build a strong foundation of trust and self-awareness that benefits the child throughout their life. This approach fosters independence and resilience, as children learn to understand their own bodies and emotions.
Grebler highlighted the importance of allowing children to experience their full range of emotions, including tiredness, without judgment. She shared an anecdote about her son at around three years old who, after being taken home in a downpour, declared, "I’m going straight to bed!" This, Grebler noted, was a direct result of being attuned to his needs and respecting his signals. "That’s the result of letting them know that you see what they’re all about, what they’re feeling. Bringing their awareness to, ‘You rubbed your eyes or things are not going your way, you’ve been playing for a long time or you yawned and come.’"
The Importance of Environment and Connection
The discussion also touched upon the impact of the environment on sleep. Grebler advocated for creating a calm and inviting sleep space, whether it be a crib or a shared sleeping arrangement. She also emphasized the role of connection and ritual in preparing for sleep.
"I think a really important part of sleep and being able to go into sleep is being very well connected in the first place with an adult," Grebler stated. "And also having that time… about having that inner life, that time to play. A time where someone’s not talking to them, asking of them. I think that all goes together." This holistic view integrates sleep with other aspects of a child’s day, such as play, caregiving, and outdoor time, recognizing that these elements are interconnected and contribute to a child’s overall well-being.
Moving Beyond "Sleep Training"
Both Lansbury and Grebler expressed a shared skepticism towards the term "sleep training," which they feel often implies a regimented, externally imposed approach that overlooks the unique needs of each child and family.
"The part of sleep training that I would not recommend or just wouldn’t feel right to me," Lansbury explained, "is that it’s like they’re saying this is the set thing that you do to get this unique individual to sleep. And I just can’t see how that would work in terms of thinking of our babies that way in the long term, or even in the short term. It doesn’t seem to be a relationship-centered approach, which is what I believe in." Grebler concurred, stating, "Sleep training to me is a set of rules, like you say, and it’s putting the baby in and letting the baby be. And they talk about all kinds of things. Well, leaving the baby to cry."
Grebler’s latest offering, "Hari’s House," aims to provide parents with a deeper understanding of these principles by showcasing how RIE and Pikler philosophies can be integrated into daily life, from the environment to caregiving and free play. This initiative underscores the ongoing commitment of experts like Grebler to promote a more respectful and attuned approach to parenting, beginning with the fundamental need for peaceful and restorative sleep.
